


the unexpected perks of being a pumpkin

by Smudge



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: College AU, F/M, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, by way of veronica's scheming, consensual drunken naughty bad fun times, jughead's judgment of halloween costumes, no pumpkins were harmed in the making of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 11:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smudge/pseuds/Smudge
Summary: What the fuck is that horrible sound?is the only thing Jughead can think as the pounding in his head competes with the god awful racket interrupting his sleep.He hears a faint and femininehelloand his eyes pop open.Oh yeah, he thinks with a slight grin through the hangover,her.Or, Jughead Jones has a damn good Halloween.





	the unexpected perks of being a pumpkin

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween! 
> 
> Uh, if you celebrate that sort of thing. If not, then, uh, HAVE SOME BUGHEAD ANYWAY! Woo. 
> 
> So, turns out my word count is exactly 2800. I honestly don't care what errors are in here that I missed, you can't make me change it. Sorry. Not sorry. Sort of sorry that I'm weird enough to thoroughly enjoy a happily even word count. 
> 
> Read on, my goblins of love!

 

 _What the fuck is that horrible sound?_ is the only thing Jughead can think as the pounding in his head competes with the god awful racket interrupting his sleep.

He hears a faint and feminine _h_ _ello_ and his eyes pop open. _Oh yeah,_ he thinks with a slight grin through the hangover, _her._

“What?” he hears her say quietly and he knows he shouldn’t be listening in but still not sure he can move, keeping quiet seems like the best idea until she’s off the phone at least.

 _“Elizabeth Matilda!”_ is shouted from the other end of the line, making him wince. Elizabeth Matilda? That’s not the name he remembers. Growing worried the girl he took home isn’t the one he remembers wanting to take home he’s about to sneak a look at her when he hears her sighing loudly.

“Veronica, why do you keep calling me that? And why are we facetiming?”

_“You know how much I dislike your middle name, B, so I refuse to use it and we’re facetiming so I can tell if you’re lying to me.”_

Another sigh and light groan. “V, it’s too early-”

_“Actually Elizabeth Victoria, it’s almost noon.”_

“What?” A pause then a gasp. “I’m naked.”

_“Are you just catching on to that?”_

Jughead tenses. Her not remembering the night before is a blow to his ego he’s not sure he can handle.

“Wait,” she says, “it’s fuzzy but I think...was I trying to fuck a pumpkin?”

Biting back a laugh, he tries to hold still.

“Veronica, I specifically remember saying something incredibly crude about wanting to find out where that pumpkin was keeping his stem. Oh my god, why did you let me drink?”

_“You needed to get laid and I love you.”_

“So you decided to let me go home with a stranger?”

_“No, I took you and your pumpkin back to our place and unless you grew an extra arm, your pumpkin is still there.”_

“What?” she almost shouts, making him wince as he pulls his head out from under the pillow.

_“Hi, Jughead! Archie says to tell you not to forget about his performance tonight and something about not caring how hungover or how badly you want to keep playing farmer with Betty, he expects to see you tonight and on time.”_

Clearing his throat, he turns over just enough to see his best friend’s girlfriend’s face through the phone Betty is holding. “Uh, hey, Veronica.”

_“Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it. Don’t forget, Betty, you’re expected at the performance tonight too. So, if you’re going to keep trying to play with Jughead’s stem, do it before seven o’clock, okay? Love you!”_

Betty groans as Veronica hangs up and lets her arm fall over her face before rolling over to look at him.

“So,” he starts, “how much do you remember?”

“It’s all coming back to me. How about you?”

Jughead smirks at her, making her blush. “Quite a lot, actually.”

 

* * *

 

_“Honestly, Jughead, just wear the shirt,” Veronica told him, throwing it at his face. Catching it he eyes it warily._

_“It’s orange.”_

_“How astute of you to deduce that,” she responded, rolling her eyes._

_“Why?”_

_Veronica huffed loudly at him. “Because you need to wear something for the party and because I said so.”_

_“How is this a pumpkin costume again?”_

_“Put the shirt on and I’ll show you,” she said, walking out of Archie’s bedroom, adjusting the ears on her head as the cat tail attached to her twitched with each step._

_He took a deep breath, reminding himself he’s doing this for Archie as he pulled his shirt off and put on the brightly orange one. He closed the door behind him as he left the room and just hoped there was enough alcohol to make the party somewhat bearable._

_“There you are, Jug,” Archie exclaimed. “Ronnie has the rest of your costume.”_

_“So I hear.” He walked over to Veronica as she was wrote on something, taking in the room around him while he waited._

_Veronica stood up with showed him something with a flourish. “Here you go.”_

_“That’s the rest of my costume?” he asked. “Really?”_

_With a raised eyebrow, she peeled the sticker she’d written on and slapped it on his chest as he grimaced at the impact. Jughead looked down at the name tag now on the left side of his chest and chose to hold in the scathing comment about the “Hello, I’m A Pumpkin” tag now stuck to him._

_Could be worse, he thought to himself._

_“Let’s go, Archiekins!” Veronica yelled, grabbing her purse and herding them to the door._

_It had been less than an hour later when he’d been feeling fairly relaxed, having found somewhere to sit with a drink and people watch, specifically watching the very pretty farmer who’d walked into the party ten minutes earlier and had started talking to Veronica._

_Just as he’d manage to drag his eyes away from her, Veronica caught his, smirked at him and waved him over. With narrowed eyes, he made his way over to them, wondering what Veronica was up to._

_“Betty, I want you to meet Archie’s friend, Jughead. He’s going to be starting school next semester so we’re showing him around,” Veronica said with a gesture to him. “Jughead, this is Betty, my best friend.”_

_Betty stuck her hand out to shake his with a polite smile and warm hello._

_“Now, Betty, why don’t you entertain Jughead while I go find Archiekins,” Veronica suggested, turning and walking off before anyone could protest._

_Betty smiled at him and shrugged. “So, how should I entertain you?”_

_Almost choking on the drink he’d just taken he had about a hundred different ways they could entertain themselves and only about half of them included the overalls she was wearing._

 

* * *

 

“I remember that part,” Betty tells him. “Well, mostly.”

They’ve both rolled onto their sides, facing each other and Jughead can see her hair is a wild mop on her head with makeup smeared under her eyes and he still thinks she’s one of the most beautiful girls he’s ever seen.

“What’s fuzzy is how we got from point a to point b,” she continues, tucking her arm under the pillow, the sheets slipping a little lower across her chest with the movement and he’s trying not to look but failing when she keeps talking. “Okay so Veronica brought us here-”

“Your apartment?”

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t remember much of the room from seeing it in the dark the previous night but in the daylight he thinks if a room could scream who owns it, this one would be yelling her name loudly. It’s light and airy and organized and the sheets smell like the soft scents of something he thinks of as feminine and clean.

“I remember us leaving the party,” he tells her, reaching out and pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

 

* * *

 

_He’d spent hours talking to Betty over what was probably too many drinks but he can’t be bothered to care when he’s got a lapful of Betty Cooper laughing and smiling along with him over his observations of the other party goers._

_“Look at that one,” he said to her, pointing out a guy in a toga that had the back of his costume stuck into the waist of his boxers. “I don’t think that’s historically accurate at all.”_

_Betty flicked the name tag on his shirt with a smile. “I feel like you don’t have room to judge.”_

_“Excuse me,” he told her, “but I am definitely an accurate pumpkin.”_

_“Are you?”_

_“Mmhmm.”_

_“Then,” she whispered to him, “where is your stem?”_

_He shivered at the feeling of her breath on his ear and met her eyes. Biting her lip, she looked like just the sort of trouble he’d been looking for all of his life._

_“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jughead said casually, leaning back into his chair, pulling her further into his lap._

_He felt one of her hands wrap around the back of his neck, lightly tugging on the hair at the back of his head._

_“I think I would.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Oh yeah,” she replied. “Want to go back to mine?”_

_Jughead’s nodding at her, taking her face between his hands and kissing her before he’s thought it totally through but her eager response calms his nerves, especially when her tongue slips into his mouth and her hands tangle in his hair, almost knocking the hat off of his head. He stood up, taking him with her as they tried to make their way to the door, stumbling into and apologizing to mermaids and demons and vampires along the way._

_“You know,” a voice interrupted them, “you could probably walk better if you weren’t attached at the mouth.”_

_“Less fun,” he said immediately, not looking at who was talking. Betty’s quiet giggles into his mouth made it worth it when their path was blocked by what turned out to be one Veronica Lodge._

_“Betty-”_

_“Oh, hi, V,” Betty said, taking her mouth off of his. “What’s up?”_

_“Where are you going?”_

_“Home.”_

_Veronica looked smugly at him. “Is that so?”_

_Betty nodded seriously at her. “I need to make sure his costume is accurate.”_

_“Do I want to know how?”_

_“I’m going to look for his-”_

_“No, no, B, I’m good, thanks,” Veronica interrupted her, smirking at Jughead who had started blushing. “Let me take you home before I go to Archie’s for the night.”_

 

* * *

 

“Oh, now I remember,” Betty tells him with a blush.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’m a little shocked we managed to get up the stairs and into this room though, with the way we were going at it.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Betty snuggles deeper into the bed. “I’m almost certain you carried me part of the way. And hit your ass on a doorknob pretty hard.”

“Worth it,” he says, shifting closer to her, tugging on the sheets between them.

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

 

* * *

 

_“Shh,” she murmured to him, “or you’ll wake up someone.”_

_“Who?”_

_She shrugged as she wrapped her arms around his neck in the hallway they were trying to walk down. “Someone, I’m sure.”_

_He pressed her up against one of the walls, his knee between her thighs as he kissed her again. “Which apartment is yours again?”_

_“It’s the one behind you,” she whispered into the skin of his neck right before she started sucking lightly on it._

_“Oh, then we should definitely go in there to finish this conversation.”_

_Betty laughed. “Is that what it’s called now? Conversation?”_

_Jughead raised his eyebrows at her. “Well I do plan on using my mouth.”_

_“Is that right?”_

_“Absolutely.”_

_Betty pulled her keys out of her pocket. “Then we should really move this inside, don’t you think?”_

_“Oh yeah,” he said, arms wrapped around her waist. As soon as the door was open, he’d picked her up and asked for directions to her bedroom._

 

* * *

 

“If I recall right, we had a pretty good time,” he murmurs to her, moving even closer to slip his hand around the back of her neck, keeping a grip on her as he moves forward to kiss her.

“I think we did,” she agrees right before his lips press to hers, smiling into the kiss, her arm coming out of the sheet, coming around his back, fingers digging into his skin.

Rolling her onto her back, he holds himself up and over her, trailing kisses down the side of her neck and over her collarbone. Tossing the sheet off that was trying to get tangled between them, he settles himself in the cradle of her thighs before moving his attention to her breasts, running his tongue across one and sucking gently on one of her nipples before turning his attention to the other.

Back arching, she almost throws him off balance but he catches himself, taking her wrists in his hands, moving them up and over her head to hold her still. Nipping at her earlobe before moving back to her mouth, kissing her once again. He’s running the edge of his tongue over her jaw as he makes his way back to her neck, the soft scent of her skin almost overwhelming him as he places sucking kisses against her throat.

Her quiet moans feels like electricity running up his spine and he lets himself fall further into her, with her legs coming up and wrapping around his hips, the wet heat of her making him groan into her hair.

“Is that for me?” he asks, pushing his hips into hers at a leisurely pace.

Betty’s giggle sounds serene as she tells him, “Maybe I just have a pumpkin kink.”

Biting at her jawbone for that, he pushes himself into her harder. “Is that right?”

The louder moan that answers him has him feeling smug as he moves lower, kissing down the length of her body, making his way down until he’s placing her legs over his shoulders, smirking at her. Catching her eyes he uses his hands to hold her hips in place.

“Don’t think I don’t remember what happened last night.”

Betty blushes a pretty pink before groaning and covering her face. “I apologized for that, didn’t I?”

“Only after you tried to defend yourself by saying that pumpkins don’t have noses so I shouldn’t need to breathe.”

“Jughead,” Betty murmurs, her toes curling into his lower back. “I promise not to accidentally try and suffocate you this time.”

“We’ll see,” he replies. Hands coming to hold her thighs apart just in case, he presses kisses along her inner thighs before moving his mouth to her, the first flick of his tongue against her clit making her jump and moan loudly.

Long fingers spreading her open for him he pulls back to look at her. “Have you seen all these pretty parts of yours? I can’t believe I missed this in the dark.”

“Ugh, Jug-” Betty whines out, rolling her hips as she tries to close her legs.

Holding her still, he softly bites the sweet skin of her thigh. “None of that now.” Teasing her clit again with his tongue, he lets go of one of her legs to slip two of his fingers into her, both of them groaning at the contact. Sucking her gently into his mouth, he moves his fingers in and out, trying to keep a steady rhythm as she grows wetter, her hips continually rolling against him.

Looking up, he can see her hands against the headboard as he works her into an orgasm, back arched and head tossed back. Her legs shaking and body pulsing as he helps her come down until he pulls back and slips his fingers out of her, crawling back up and over her.

He’s smiling at her when her eyes finally open, his memory of her orgasms being beautiful still holding true in the light of day. “I feel like you might have liked that.”

Rolling her eyes at him, she reaches over to the drawer in her nightstand. “It’s possible.”

Taking the condom she gives him, he’s opening it and rolling it on when he can’t help but tell her, “You know, I’m almost certain this isn’t how you authenticate the accuracy of a costume.”

Laughing, she wraps her legs around him as he slides into her. “Maybe not, but I’m betting this way is more fun.”

 

* * *

 

**One Year Later**

“Betty!” he calls out, taking a deep breath at the ridicule he knows he’s about to face.

As soon as she walks into the bedroom and sees his predicament, she starts laughing at him. “Really, Juggie?”

“You know how I feel about accuracy, Betts,” he tells her with a serious face that he can barely maintain. “I was just making sure they worked for later.”

“Can I take a picture of this?”

Trying to maintain his dignity he just shrugs at her. “If you do, I’ll have to arrest you.” Leaning against the headboard in what he hopes is a casual way he tells her, “You know, you look pretty cute over there in your little jumpsuit.”

Betty looks down at her costume. Veronica had insisted on couples costumes for everyone this year, declaring that the pumpkin and the farmer worked out so well the year before that she thought it should be a theme. “Really? Cute in my prisoner costume?”

“Oh yeah,” Jughead says, eyes roving over her. “Now, come here and give me a hand.”

“Aww, Pumpkin,” Betty coos, “did Officer Jones handcuff himself to the bed?”

He can feel his face heat up at her smug smile. Knowing without a doubt he’ll never live it down, he just gives in. “At least we know they’ll work, right?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Woot! You reached the end! Good job on that, everyone. We should celebrate. I have Halloween candy, apple cider, and also my love. 
> 
> Let's be real, we all know you're just here for the candy. 
> 
> Did you know my dog is going to be Little Red Riding Hood? No? Well you do now. Me? I am going to be dressed as exhaustion because my neighborhood gets wild. True story. Kids for _hours_. The mister asked me to get some dry ice and I have been banned from, and I quote, "making it seem like the house is on fire, _again_ , just to freak me out." 
> 
> Lame. 
> 
> If you're gonna carve pumpkins in my house and leave that goo for me to clean, imma get revenge somehow. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm full of pilfered candy and high on caffeine so let me just say, BESOS TO YOU ALL! I love you and your thoughts and your existence. And just be glad I didn't title this, "save a pumpkin, ride a farmer." 
> 
> Because I thought about it. For real. 
> 
> And feel free to come [tumble](https://thetaoofbetty.tumblr.com/) with me if you want. 
> 
> MORE BESOS TO YOU!


End file.
